Thursday, April 27, 2017

"He sawed his penis in half"

I usually write about my experiences as a paramedic but this one is from when I was a Physician Assistant at an Upper East Side emergency room.
Nurse "We just got a notification for a heavy bleeder coming in with a 5 minute ETA"
I follow the doc into the trauma room and check the trauma box to make sure all the equipment we may need is ready. IV's, intubation equipment, etc. Everything is there and we're ready. I walk out to the ambulance bay to meet the crew coming in. An ambulance comes screaming around the corner and stops at the curb. Stan, who I spent a lot of time riding with jumps out of the drivers seat:
"Roc, you got to fucking see this!" he says breathlessly tells me I'm in for something interesting
"What's up?" I say excitingly as I follow him to the back of the vehicle
"You gotta see this!" he answers as he swings open the back door of the ambulance.
I look in and seek a patient on the stretcher covered in what used to be a white sheet. It's now crimson colored. From the waist down.
We hurry the patient into the trauma room where the rest of the team is waiting. He's a white male about 50 years old. Slight build, light complexion. Awful toupee still fixed to his head. He's barely conscious. We transfer him onto the hospital gurney and remove the blood soaked sheets. The patient's groin is packed with a tremendous amount of gauze.
"Gunshot?" Doctor Hong asks Stan's partner who I don't recognize. Probably a new medic.
She nods "No" to Hong as she begins to remove some of the gauze. I can see her hands shaking as she works to untangle the mass of gauze which is stemming at least some of the blood flow.
She removes it completely and we all stop to catch our breath at the incredible sight before us. The patient's penis is carved almost in half from the tip down to the base. It looks like a hot dog after its been cooking while and splits almost in half. But the really incredible thing is that through each side of the lacerated penis is a purple metal earing like women used to wear in the 1970s!
The doc, gloved up and gowned to the max goes to inspect the injury and a stream of blood shoots out hitting the low overhead ceiling.
"According to his partner he's been cutting it a little bit each day for the past couple of months. When he got halfway down he put the rings in it. He kept carving until today when it looks as if he cut an artery".
I look back at the patient for a moment. Incredibly his eyes catch mine and he actually smiles a bit causing an involuntary chill to course from my head to my toes.
" He's on Remeron, Lithium, and a bunch of other psych meds" yells Yugo's partner over the commotion.
"Schizophrenic?' I ask Yugo
"You think a sane person would do something like that?" he shoots back. I shake my head and turn away afraid my reaction would seem unfit for the current situation.
"Hey Roc, call Surgery, Urology and get us some blood.  I'm going to intubate him" Doctor Hong calls out to me
"Sure Doc", I answer back. "I'll get respiratory too"
"Great. I'm probably going to have to intubate him before long"
I pick up the phone and ask the operator to page the surgeon on call. The phone rings back almost immediately
"Surgery. I was paged"
"He Doc it's Rocco from the ER"
"Hey Roc, what do you have?"
"Doc, wait till you see this!"